A jaunt to Sweden...every man's dream

So, a weekend in Sweden to break up the monotany of Denmark. Well why not. It's only 20 minutes on the ferry. Plus, I was expecting to see thousands of road-signs advertising hot sauna's, birch tree whippings and some free porn. Well the last one would have been a problem as the parents-in-law were tour guides for the trip. To be honest, the whole thing was a problem as the "summer house" had no power or running water. So we headed north into southern Sweden for the town of Almhult - famous for absolutely nothing except it has the first ever IKEA store (it was worth it just for that). So you get some lakes, some streams and lots and lots of forrests. Not one single Britt Eckland in sight!

The house is somewhere near 200 years old and is an amazing 2 story wood structure in the middle of huge pine forests. The green pump on the right hand side is were you get the water from. As for power, well its fire baby! It took nearly all day to heat one room up to 15 degrees!

Spent the day outside (it was warmer), had autumn picnic, walk in the woods, chopped some wood, killed some Elk - actually, after my trip around the southern states that bit was fantasy! The right hand shot shows one of the hunting platforms - apparently, apart from illegally brewing hembrant (a potato brew which is only 96%) shooting and cutting down trees is the only real past-time in Sweden. Weirdly, we didn't see any wildlife - perhaps they've been scared off or are pissed up somewhere in a potato field.

My god it's cold in Scandinavia

So, we're here. To be exact, the north coast of Zealand. In a small harbour village called Hornbaek. Marie has found us a cottage with sea views (from the top back bedroom) and we're starting to settle in nicely. A few minor hick-ups on the way. Pickfords decided to lose our furniture, then we discovered they had inadequately stored it, hadn't packed anything properly and transported it with as much grace as Laurel and Hardy moving piano's. Imagine taking your best wine glasses and throwing them off the top of a very high building - that'll give you some idea of the problems. Oh, and somebody decided to pinch a £2.5K Linn amp and CD. So, much of my time is spent being a part time lawyer.
On the Danish side of things, the boys' have started kindergarten (nursery) where all they do is play. Enough of getting them ready for University...we'll have them playing in sand until they're 6. Still, they'll be better pacifists for it. Another shock to the system was deciding to take them swimming - not to the pool but the "swimming hall". The reason why Danish porn is so liberal is that you're expected to change amongst the company of others. Now, I'm all for letting it out in the right circumstances but in front of school children is another matter (and not one which I intend to get arrested for!). After the "Mr Bean" style humiliation, we then are ushered into some cold showers. Fearing the worst, I puckered up. But no, cleanliness is next to godliness and so we were in the cold showers with some 20 other men. Seba and Oscar still haven't recovered. To make matters worse (how could it get worse) the water was 10 degrees less than it should have been in the pool. This last part is the sound of a grown man who has been in Malaysia for 5 weeks moaning.
Still, we're in liberal Denmark. As a member of the EU things can't get any more simpler. Well. Until 2 weeks ago I was technically an illegal alien. Stuff having Her Majesty's passport. The Danes basically want to keep all of their pork meat, sausages and beer for themselves (as Carlesberg adverts so consistently remind us). So, the Government here decided that me taking it easy for 6 more months was not something they fancied paying for so I had to cough up £10K or, in their inference, get out of town. Secret raids at midnight, bundled onto a beer truck bound for the UK, stripped of my dignity, force fed Gabledansk...it was all in my mind. In typical British stiff upper lip, I sent them my CV and told them to stop being so stupid! I was a man of culture, of taste, of fine breeding...none of this dole-money life for me. They got the message and designated me "official".
Marie is working in a top secret department for Danish railways...she is in charge of changing the tone of all the "bing-bongs" on the station. This level of change would be seen as catastrophic in Denmark so many committees are being deployed to assess the damage - you can see I am impressed by Danish bureaucracy. She is the main earner and keeping us 3 boys' accustomed to the life we love. She has a top job changing all the bing.........she has a top job and is enjoying it!
My life revolves around trips to the harbour to buy fish and bread and have a laugh with all of the workers who spend their time fixing boats and drinking beer (minimum £30K a year!!). Then its' off for a brisk walk on the beach in time to catch mid-day football on TV, then off to pick the boys' up and cook food. Life is sweet. Marie thinks I am bored but she doesn't know! I have also discovered a TV gadget on the Internet which lets you watch TV in any country...I am currently hooked on Egyptian soap opera called (sounds like) Camel-Dick. It is cheap and hilarious.
Today it snowed.

Last word - chicken feet!!!!!

Hello all

Well it only took me 30minutes to figure out how to create a new post today as somehow everything on this site is in chinese - another skill added to the basket of this trips learnings - how to guess which button to press to save (so as not to write the same piece 20 times hmm....)!!!
Anyway, as per usual I do have to have the last word, its in my nature. Although Ian has captured pretty much most of our trip I just have to add two minor incidents from yesterday.
Throughout these travels Ian and I (and the boys to some extend) have got into a very structured way of packing and venturing out on various tourist trips without too much trouble. Ofcourse at some point we were bound to let down our guards and trip up a bit : On a taxi ride to the Suntec mall 5th tower (great for shopping) we (Ian) managed to forget the pushchair when leaving. This left us with the beautiful alternative of logging not one but two complaining boys around for what was originally to be a nice 2 hour shopping trip including a toy as reward for the boys at the end into a 20 minute dash to Toys R Us for a quick bribery tour to stop the moaning, wailing, screaming, kicking....yes 4 months with mor and daddy has turned them into some monster tantrum behavioural creatures - limited options for corrective measures (go to your room...hmm) and too many bribes we think may be the reasons!!! Anyhow, we decided that it was a matter of life and death getting the pram back, especially for the much dreaded 3hours in the airport tonight and so we managed to phone every taxi company in town, apart from the one we drove with of course!! Needless to say it was a nice surprise this morning at breakfast when the portier announced that the pram had found its way back to the hotel and us . There were cheers of joy as we could now venture out to a nice big temple with only one boy complaining at any one point and off to the Singapore Zoo which is fantastic for the rest of the afternoon.
Oh, I almost forgot, yesterday when we went to this lovely food stall, Ian being the brave man that he is (although he has never touched a snake - well ok....) had to try lots of different food. He got himself some lovely sweet and sour pork...or so he thought, mentioning to me that it was a little bony..hmmmm Lets ask the lady what this really is - Chicken feet!!!!
And so the adventures of the Hughsie family ends, the real world kicks in and off we go to work our ar... off ones again - until the next time one of us comes up with a bright idea to make life just a little bit better!!!!

Final day...via China

Well it's the final day, we're in Little India in Singapore, and the screen on the free-to-use PC is in Chinese. Basically sums up our experiences. Travelling around the world, meeting different people from different cultures but ultimately communicating in English.
We're staying at what was Singapore's first modern hotel, built in the 70's and now looking a little jaded. But, it has prime location in Little India overlooking the Sultan's Mosque and every so often you can hear the call to prayers as wafts of exotic smells drift over you.
We've had a surprising 2 days here. After leaving Borneo, Marie and I were a bit deflated as we knew we were heading back to the UK. But, on Sunday we took a long walk through Little India. We headed past the mosque as Sunday prayers were ending and into a huge Muslim street festival and hundreds of people enjoying the street food and music. We then wondered into the heart of the district into thousands of Indian's (we presume celebrating Ramadan) - past all the Bollywood music shops, curry houses, tea shops, fruit stalls - all the colour of sub-continent India. We passed into Thieves Market - basically a bizarre "bring what you want" market - stalls selling single shoes, broken sunglasses, worn underpants (well not quite, but the smells were exotic!!). After eating, the taxi driver explained that we'd walked through one of the most dangerous parts of Singapore were tourists were easy pray! Thankfully, I was wearing a bright pink Toulouse rugby shirt so no problems there!
On Monday, we took a "Duck Tour" of Singapore - an amphibious bus ride - partly on the road and partly in the river. It's always a great way to see a City, around on a boat, gently drifting along, waving at kids bathing in the river, pondering life's complexities in different cultures...only to hear the tour guide shouting into his mike, "Yo, can I get a yee-ha from the English...hey, give me 5". Apart from that, very good. Ate some of the best food so far a Singaporean food village (steamed dumplings...yum) and then had the evening in Chinatown where the Full Moon festival is about to happen so the whole place was lit up in full Oriental splendor.
The highlight of the trip then occurred. From out of the distance, amongst the hundreds of people came a familiar but otherwise terrifying noise, "Boys, boys, boys, just waiting for the good times"...aahhh, Euro-pop blasting out from some ghetto blaster. Then through the crowed comes a huge rickshaw with a mad-goggle eyed driver. "Hey, you wont best ride of yor live" he shouted to me in Chinese pigeon English. Never one to deny a young man a dance to gay Euro pop we said yes. Marie, madly into the photo opportunity and me thinking about the bumpy ride! So, we quite literally squeezed into the disco-rickshaw and Lee, our driver, drove us around the district with his Euro-trash pop sounds blaring out. Not looking too out-of-place amongst hundreds of people, cars, hawkers, etc...we drove around to the tunes of BigFun, Donna Sumner, Gloria Gaynor (you've never lived unless you're in the middle of 5-lane Orchard Road, on a rickshaw with "I will survive" pumping out. The boys were in fits of laughter with each other - Seba waving and shouting out in mock-Chinese accent "Hello Ladies" and Oscar with one finger in his ear and the other hand pretending to scratch DJ - don't ask - its all part of his education! Good old Lee though for the not-intending-to-be-funny-but-was comment - when I asked what his job was like, above the 3rd playing of "Boys, boys' boys..." he said it was "Hard on his bum" - I could have died.
So, we're on the plane back to UK tonight. We're all ready for the off but really wish we could stay for another month or so. Marie is amazed we've done so much, I'm amazed we're been around the world. From the USA, to New Zealand, Oz, Malaysia we've met some great people, seen some amazing sites, spent almost 110 days together, 24hrs a day, and have come out a lot better on the other side.
I'm sure Marie will finish the blog off (last-word syndrome, and all that) but for me we've shown the boys' that people live different lives and understanding that will make them better people. We've seen that the environment means different things to people and if you're poor then forget thinking globally. For us as a family, we can survive on our own resources and wits, and if you mention Manchester United to anyone who serves alcohol you get one free beer (it's a fact - try it).

We're on a slow boat in Borneo

Latest news...large wind blows down telecommunication system. Also, Co-op Bank halts credit transactions due to fraud possibility. Yes, after several attempts to withdraw money in Borneo's capital city I discover that my bank has frozen my cards. Once I managed to get through to them, I discover that crossing over into Borneo has triggered their automatic fraud alarm - obviously an issue for a British person daring to leave the EU. It seems that Borneo is a hotbed for c/card fraud...which is a shame cause we like to use our cards with dodgy back street traders...for a dare I like to leave it with them for 24hrs to see how much they can spend.
We've succumbed to the boredom at this resort and booked some of their in-house activities. The boy's have been to Kids Club...you send them there looking remotely normal and they come back with faces painted like tigers or with tattoos all over them (thankfully this mutilation is free), Marie's permanently booked in at the Spa and I'm off to see some wrecks on a diving trip. Th weather has been a bit cloudy but still in the mid-30's and we've tempted the boys' with more Indian spices.
Our big discovery in the last few days' is how surreal modern cartoons are. For those who know, check our Lilo and Stitch - what the hell is going on there? Another one is Girl Spies - Spice Girls meets Charlies Angels. The premise being teenage girl super-heros who also like fashion and music - early conditioning for the little ones!
The other huge annoyance is Malaysian TV has 2 big vices. Firstly, it syndicates American TV, especially the Disney Channel (almost a homage to corporatism) and it is now pushing High School Musical 2 - including various Malay/Chinese remix versions of the songs.We know all the lyrics to the "Music in Me" - agghhhhhhhhh!
Secondly, home-made Malaysian TV soaps doesn't mind showing pretty graphic violence (bizarre for a Muslim country - perhaps it is the good v evil axis). So, we can leave the boys watching a children's soap opera about some homely-looking little girl detectives, come back into the room to find the little girl detectives tied up and being threatened by a masked man with a knife! It's not so much the image but the hours worth of questions it generates from 2 inquisitive minds. How do you explain in a rational way about naughty men. Seba has begun to associate naughty men with Madeline McCann - and so the growing up begins.

5 star action in Borneo

They reckon that nearly 20% of Borneo is still "undiscovered". In 2000, on one of their most popular tourist destination, Mount Kinabalu, they found 20 new species of plants. With that in mind, we booked into the Shangri La Rasa Ria resort - a 400 bedroom, Euro style, self-contained resort in the north of Sabah, Borneo.
Quite a come-down from our 2weeks at Sibu living in a beach hut. Here, large King size beds, air-con, 6 restaurants (2 need shirt and slacks!), 5 swimming pools and a 60acre nature reserve.
To be honest, its' not our cup of tea (of which they have at least a dozen varieties). But for the boys' they have the pool and all the other bits that come with this sort of place.
1st day spent at the pool and waving a little yellow flag to attract the attention of the staff to bring us more drinks as we can't be arsed to get up!
Only other news is Marie has an interview on the week we get back to Denmark. I on the other hand, have a telephone interview in Borneo. Global village! British person in Borneo having a telephone interview with a Danish company! It's a crazy postmodern world we live in!

Being blogged by the misses...things we missed off...

This one's a list. The reason being it's a reminder for us...

- Ecca in Brisbane - like a trade show but open to the public for which they get charged the pleasure to buy all the give-aways that Big Brands need to use as the promotional item is no longer for sale, but the place is huge, right in the centre of town and is popular as hell.
- get drunk in Brisbane Valley and then lose your drinking buddies and forget where you're living, thankfully some navigation courses got me back
- eating steak at Brekky Creek - a Queensland institution and a very civilised way to begin a days' boozin with the main man, Declan
- making a wedding video - yes, Marie's sister got married in Sept so we made a small video on our journey which they played (to great applause) at the wedding. There's a very funny bit of Seba and Oscar surfing on the beach at Noosa which then turns into a comical fight - one for the family only
- Marie touched a snake (and I don't mean the one in my trousers, fenarr) - another phobia mildly conquered, she touched a 3m python at Ecca. Even Seba and Oscar had a feel
- Marie snorkeled - not really liking the head under position (and I don't mean the .....), she had a go at snorkeling and got into the coral and small marine life. Helps being on a very small Malaysian island in the warm South China Sea
- Seba and Oscar swimming and head under the water - both wanting to follow in their Dad's footsteps are now throwing their armbands away with gay abandon and diving into water. They think its' great but for Marie and myself we never take our eyes' off them
- Blond and blue eyes - don't visit Asia! - Chinese custom dictates that small blond haired children are a good omen so Oscar (who's hair is now blond from all the sun) is constantly being patted on the head. I'm thinking we could sell some of his hair on Chinese Ebay!
- pissed on the head by a lizard - one of the joys of sleeping on an island in a beach hut, woken up at 2am with lizard poo and pee on me. One of us laughed and the other one didn't!
- sandflies - silent killers - nothing stops these blighters!
- seeing Sting-Rays on my diving course - crikey! why would you ever won't to touch them...
- super-strength Mohittos - you only have the one night on those buggers! but I did manage to complete my final dive course! did I mention the 94% score on the exam?

Malaysia...Singapore to Pulu Sibu

After the excess of Oz (it was hard just chillin out) we flew 13hrs into steamy Singapore. Our plans in Malaysia was to use Singapore as the gateway into Malaysia and Borneo. We've spent a day in Singapore just basically walking and sweating. Took the boys' into Chinatown and visited a temple and then ate some tasty food at a hawker stand...street food under cover. Humidity is in the 90s and the temp is 35 degrees. Nice. Marie has fallen for the Singapore Sling - not the famous drink you can get at Raffles Hotel but the air-conditioned shops which tempt you with supposed bargains. Already, we've had the "But I really need a new handbag" routine.
You either love Singapore or you don't. The contrasts are everywhere. Modern business district filled with ex-pat rich kids next to typical Malay hawker stalls and sari shops. We're in the "love it" camp. From Singapore you can get to Malaysia, Indonesia, Borneo, China, Thailand all within an hour or so. The place is clean, efficient, crime-free (allegedly) and a big melting pot of cultures.
But, we were on our way to an island off the southern coast of Malaysia called Pulau Sibu. We were collected by car and driven across the border into Malaysia. Only less than 5miles from Singapore, the border crossing takes you into typical Asian settings. Dense jungles, massive palm-tree plantations, noisy, colourful Malay towns. A 4hr drive and we arrive at a run-down jetty to be speed-boated over to the island on a 30min boat trip. Seba and Oscar hung on for real life as we sped over waves beginning to rise as a tropical down-pour begins.
Pulau Sibu is your run-of-the-mill tropical island! Golden beaches, crystal clear waters, lush jungle and equatorial climate. We arrive at the thatched-roof, open planned bar area to be shown to our hut. The Sea Gypsy Village has about 30 huts. Each hut is a wooden, thatched building with cold water shower, fan and....that's it. Beach at the front, jungle at the back. Everywhere, coconut trees. Still, what was there to complain about. Within minutes, we kicked off our shoes and hit the beach. The place was deserted as we looked along a mile of golden sand and out to a horizon of blue water and half-a-dozen other islands.
We spent the next 14 days on the beach, in the water, dodging falling coconuts, listening to tress falling down in the jungle and avoiding sand-flies. But, we were royally looked after!! The team of young Oz/UK/Danish workers made our stay truly unforgettable. Obviously, Seba and Oscar charmed everyone but the place was dream like. The boys' did some snorkeling - wearing life jackets and snorkel kits (even Marie had a go for the 1st time and fell in love with watching coral and fish), took them fishing on a boat (Seba caught 2 and Oscar got bored - but they both drove a speedboat), Ian completed his diving course (and ran out of air after an 18m dive and had to complete some emergency air sharing), boys' collected shells and painted t-shirts.
We met some great people. A lot of ex-pats who told us all about life in Singapore, some families with small children, a lovely Danish girl called Louisa (our new young friend), a Norwegian family living in Denmark (Ian's new football/drinking/music buddy).
We had the island mostly to ourselves. At most, one weekend had a few ex-pat families turn up for 2/3 days but we were never more than 10 people. We got to know the staff, the boys' fascinated the Malaysian boat boy's (in Asia, blond, blue eyed children are a good luck symbols so they created quite a storm). At the end of our time, both of them were going up to the bar to order an apple juice or some water and generally having the time of their lives. We left yesterday, which was sad but we've made some great new friends.
Tomorrow we fly over to Borneo to stay at the north-east tip of Borneo in a "splash-out" 5 star resort before heading back to Europe at the end of the month.

End of OZ

We stayed on the farm in Esk for 3 days and the boys enjoyed helping 0ut feeding the animals, going on the tractor, the jeep, the motorcross machines - I sunbathed and Ian decided to become a farmer upon return to DK! hmmm, maybe just a few chickens and a pig (He has always secretly wanted to have his own pigfarm).
The days at Esk were bliss for all of us and with our energy levels back on top we ventured back to Brisbane to Helen and Declan and their boys for the rest of the stay. The idea was to do lots of day trips to all the places we had yet to experience in Queensland. I must say some of these were somewhat interrupted by some late night boozy sessions. We all agreed that we were 20 again, this would have been no hindrance to any of us, but as we are now 30 something grownups the flu-like symptoms that followed such nights had us out in turn. However, where better to do this than in a place where the boys can just run around and have lots of fun.
The most memorable night may be the one in which Declan showed Ian around the Brisbane hotspots. Returning home alone without my husband and slightly tipsy (read could not stand, walk, talk) Declan declared that his brother was now looking after Ian in the Valley. I decided that it may be best to wait up for Ian as I wasn't sure he'd even remember the address and sure enough he got the taxi driver to drive to the area they lived in and through some weird drunken survival instinct found his way home - now all that was left for me was to get him to bed - a task not normally an issue I might add- but in this case I took a leaf out of Heino's book having watched him hearding the cows and the goats and finally managed this in 30min, all of this to Helen's giggling fit.
Anyway, the day trips we did included going up Tamborine Mountain where the views were spectacular and we had the most wonderful lunch in a little cafe. We went to Surfers Paradise twice - the long stretch of beach there is amazing. We've toured around Brisbane in the sunshine, took the citycat (water taxi) to the markets and enjoyed a bit of retail therapy.
A bit of bad luck with the weather as we had to be here in the one week in 6 years rains has grazed Australia with it's presence. However, we decided to just enjoy the hospitality of Helen and Declan, which in the end meant we practically believed it was our house and even took over the driveway....just hope we can return the favour one day!!

The boys have found great friends in Flynn and Johrel and the 4 of them have played together all the time. When the two big boys goes to school, Sebastian and Oscar misses them so much and it is hugs and kisses when they return. They've made friends for life and if we can keep it going it would be great to see them as adults travelling to meet eachother around the world!
Oscar inparticular has developed in the last month and we now have two boys who never stops talking.
Anyway, we're going to reunite in a dodgy cable car brothel in Japan, each buy a web-cam so we can share each others weather reports (DK=dark, Brisbane=sunny), and compete on buying the largest 4-wheel drives possible - Ian will lose that one.
We're now heading onto Malaysia and we're sad at leaving Oz and our new friends in Brisbane.

It's never too late to learn new skills...regardless how painfull it may be!

Well, Australia is an interesting place. In the last week we've been staying at the Sunshine Coast just north of Brisbane where the sea and river give lots of opportunities for water-sports, weather is warm and life is good for the thousands who flock there for holidays. We then headed about 80 miles south-west to Esk to stay on Heino's farm. Here, there has been little to no rain for 6 months, the land is barren and the farmers are suffering. In most States in Oz, the last 12 months has brought little to no rain and official drought areas have been declared in most of southern and eastern Queensland. Just shows how varied this land can be.
Heino has 50 acres of land, 4 cows and 25 goats. He also has some great toys - 4-wheel drives, motor bikes, guns, that sort of thing. So, we came up to relax, take in some country air, feed the animals and generally get into the urbanites-on-a-farm thing.
First day, official tour of the farm in the clapped-out but still runs 1.3lt Suzuki. Wonderful views over the Esk county hills and a first hand view of how bad the drought is. Saw a wild skippy and got a glimpse of what its like to be able to have a small hobby-farm just 1hr away from Brisbane. Land availability here is huge and prices (of which you can't compare to Europe) work out at GDP 500 an acre - almost a tenth of prices in the UK. Heino has built an "autobahn" around his land which involves some hairy inclines but when you have some beer in the back who cares. But, by the end of day one the previous family illness had hit me and I was laid in bed with flu.
Day 2, and a bit of poncy flu wasn't about to spoil life on the farm. Also, Heino had plans and work to be done. So, he geared himself up in his overalls and I put on my holiday t-shirt, shorts and fake crocs. May well have also "oiled" myself up for a day in the sun. Took too much paracetamol so felt a bit drowsy and off we went. First job, round up the cows and give them some de-wormer. Easy...just shout a bit, wave your arms and show no fear. I once heard that cows (or bulls) smell fear...they may have also smelt the coconut oil which may explain why they went in the opposite direction away from the main gate. Finally got them in, and then a bit of the old magic juice and off they go.
Job two, bit of de-wormer for the goats and a little bit of castration! I was certain I heard that word. With me open-mouthed, Heino explained the process. In his mind, a simple process of testicle strangulation! And there's me figuring on a nice holiday snap of me holding some goats not a full anatomy video showing some goats' nuts being lobbed off. We had the hilarious (and obvious) act of trying to herd 25 goats into a pen, including the 10 or so kid goats who could not only smell coconut oil but also the fear. I also suspect that they had been fore-warned by the elder goats in the herd that when a man approaches with food and leads you into a dark barn that you had better run in the opposite direction (which they did) or pretend to be female. So we get them in the pen and the fun starts.
Normally with flu, I like to stay in a dark room, lemsip in hand, perhaps a DVD and some peace and quiet. Being faced by a screaming baby goat on a hot day, legs held wide open by a hobby-farmer, and having to decide the sex (and therefore the fate) of a goat ain't one of those things that takes my fancy when being ill.
So, goat one - thank the Lord, female. Goat two, again female. Perhaps this was going to be easy. Goat three, male - well, I had to be told, I thought it had two udders. Ok, here we go. Attach a small green rubber band to some clamp-like device, open it up so stretch the band, grab the little-goats two balls (a minor technical point) and then release the clamp and listen to the cry of a lost sex life. Having only experienced testicles from a personal point, I felt a degree of sensitivity was the best policy. After all, if someone was to chop mine off then I would want a nice dainty female nurse to complete the operation and not some huge grappling bloke who'd rather be ill in bed. Poor goat one. I sensed I'd made a mistake when the scream was a slightly pained high pitch squeal. Heino, with a degree of sarcasm only Aussie's have, pointed out I'd only clamped one of his balls and that I should grab hold of them both and make sure the 2 go through the band. I looked around to Marie for moral support. There she is, camera in hand, giggling away. In sickness and in health! Also looked to the boys', who where wide-eyed and open-mouthed. I do now have a a very quick way of ensuring good-behaviour from them for the rest of their lives. So then, the intricate procedure of removing the band of one ball (sigh of relief from the goat) to only then re-apply the bloody thing.
So, an hour later, 5 male goats now turned into eunuchs. 5 sets of balls now due to fall off in one month. Ouch! I suggested they could be sent to me as a memento! To be honest, it was ok. I also reckon that there can't be many tourists on holiday who have spent time on a farm castrating some goats.
I also reckon that I'll celebrate the goats balls falling off next month. I only hope they fall off cleanly. I was thinking that a snow-ball cocktail (how many jokes are in that drink!!) would be a good way to remember my little (and the goats' very little) friends.

Anthony H Wilson

Main man at Factory Records and a well known figure to some us in the north-west. Gave us Joy Division, New Order, Happy Mondays, Certain Ratio amongst others. RRP

Australia Fayre...crickey!

Well, finally managed to find an Internet cafe. To be honest, its' been made difficult by warm weather and illness. We arrived in Brisbane over a week ago and after 2 days headed up to the Sunshine Coast where upon arrival Seba took ill with a virus which then spread to Marie and Oscar. Yours truly soldiered on!
Have been guests of family in Brisbane and hospitality in the first 48hrs ran to cases of wine and beer and great food. Marry that with the warm weather (its the middle of winter here) and the place is paradise.
Australia seems the most obvious choice for relocation. Weather, self-sufficient in most foods, outdoor culture...but the one problem for Marie is the proximity of snakes...or the realisation that they are within 500miles of her. Still, can but dream.
We've been staying in Maroochydore on the Sunshine Coast in a wonderful apartment on the tributary into the sea. Due to the illness, we've been cabin bound but managed two small trips out - Australia Zoo and some whale/dolphin watching.

Firstly, Australia Zoo or otherwise known as the Steve Irwin Tribute Park - crickey! The zoo was home to the self-titled Crocodile Hunter (he's the crazy Aussie guy who used to be on ITV Sat afternoon chasing crocodiles and snakes around the world. Now its' a shrine to his life, work, etc,etc. Due to it being middle of winter the animals were, umm, sleeping. We're pretty much experts in animal nocturnal habits. Crocs (asleep in water), koala's (asleep in trees), pythons (curled up and asleep), kangaroos (lying down). Quick mention in dispatches to the elephants who at least stood up, had a drink, and then lay down again. When walking / pushing / carrying a 4yr and 2yr old around a zoo you pretty much need to see some animal activity (preferably killing / chasing / roaring) for them to be interested. In our postmodern world, once you've seen one animal asleep you've pretty much seen them all.
Still, Marie and the boys' had their photo taken with a syphilis carrying koala!
Next up, and very much high on the "world tour tick list" was whale watching. What should have been an obvious omen to the day ahead, we booked with "Australian Zoo Whale One" or more widely known amongst his employees, "Steve Irwin Whale Boat". Off we set, 10am in the morning, camera's all charged up, plenty of spare discs (for we are a modern gadget holidaying family) into the great blue yonder to watch the majestic whales sing and swim for our delight. As we hit mid-day, and the Steve Irwin tribute DVD played for the 2nd time I started to wonder whether the cure of Australia Zoo had followed us onto the boat. We were informed that whales only spend 10% of their time on the surface but the area we were in was a "popular spot" for them - they swim over for a beer, have a BBQ, take their kids to the park...
Several false spots later, and eagle-eye Hughes spots a jet of water some distance away and then a brown hump. The boat speeds in that direction. Then we're told they can stay under water for up to 15mins. What confused us was why we were all looking at the front of the boat - do whales just sink up and down in one spot? Answer, no. Round the back of the boat a cry went up...so the boat turned around and then we all looked in that direction. This is pretty much what whale watching is all about. It's like looking for fairies at the bottom of the garden. After an hour I was hoping that we wouldn't see them and then we'd get our money back. But the bugger popped up twice which meant all bets where off. Oscar slept through it and Seba's eagle eyes are not yet that developed. Not that I was expecting a "Free Willie" free dive over the boat (well, I was) but nature does have a habit of not performing when you want it to. Or, the whales recognised the boat and stayed under for fear of hearing a raucaus cry of "Crickey" or "Whales Rule"
There was another highlight on the way back where some dolphins swam under the bow of the boat which was an amazing thing for us to see. Thankfully, the are natural show-off's so the video won't look that bad!

The travelling Little Berries or when kids play up

An update on the boys' for those who are asking. So far, they have been to America (plane, car), Mexico (car, bus) and New Zealand (plane, car) in the space of 5 weeks. By now they have learnt the ettiquette of security clearances at airports, the "hold the crotch" joke at scanning, the importance of smiling when meeting air-stewardesses (or older, can't find a decent job,air- stewards) for extra freebies/food, critical seating by the window to alleviate boredom and how to wind parents up whilst driving long distances in the car.
Sebastian is learning that stubborness is something that will get him through even the toughest SAS initiation tests and Oscar knows that a simple physical slump to the ground will make even the hardest parent in the world concede.
Seba has complemented his obstinate stubborness with a foppish, dismissive wave of the hand and a cannot-care-less look around his shoulder. He generally knows that to use this in public (queing up, restaurants, etc) will generate the desired effect. Oscar, sensing that Seba is on to something, can't quite grasp the full routine so just slumps down on his arse with an ear-splitting "No!".
To be honest, this is relatively rare. They have been both good as gold. But they have superb timing when they fancy doing this stuff. Surreally, we have invented various parental diversion tactics. These are posted here for you to use - so feel free. One, a version of I-Spy which Seba has turned into a ragga-toasting version, "I an' I, with my litt'l spy". It is hilariously funny and one which I will torment him with for life. Second, with Oscar, I tell him a policeman or fierce dog is coming and this shifts him faster than the threat of a haircut. Marie informs me to try and not to do this in public as social services may see this as psychological abuse.
(Note - I realise that both may constitute some mild form of abuse but it's better than leaving them there and driving off which has crossed both our minds in quieter moments).
All in all though, the decision to take them on this trip was correct. Oscar has learnt to swim and his coversational skills are higher, Seba is more independent (umm,?), both have been up several mountains, eaten different foods and enjoyed them (made that one up), mined for gold, understand some of the differences between countries and language, can both talk about how honey is made in fine detail, have seen various regional variations of Hi-5 and Dora.
It has been easy taking them though. Only a few times has the 24-7 been too much but then we find a public park and they go wild for 30mins and then we're all re-charged.
Next stop in the next 4 days is to leave NZ and head for Oz and warmer climates.

Queenstown and the AJ Hackett Nevis Bunji Jump

Please read this to the theme-tune of Rocky!

Arrived in Queenstown on 29th and after finding some (rather expensive but nice) accommodation we headed into the "adventure centre of the world" (TM Queenstown tourist council). The place is really 3 streets with the main action centred on one street where all the adventure offices are. To sum up, they all offer the same core attraction - thrills based on near death experience. Jet boats up the rapids (fast boat driven by very drunk man up a river), heli-skiing (skiing with the use of helicopters attached to your feet), guided mountain tours (failed mountaineers take you up a mountain with no guarantee you'll return) and bungy jumps.
Bungy jumping was initially a form of rite of passage for some crazy Indonesian tribes high on guava. Then, some crazy New Zealander high on crack, decided to try it off a bridge and then the Eiffel Tower. Now, no self-respecting New Zealander starts the day without a coffee, a croissant and a jump off something high.
Queenstown is also another example of a town which is owned by two or three very wealthy people who bought land up in the 70s and then have sold it on. Its' strange to hear the workers in the bars, shops, etc all refer to the existence of the town based upon these landowners. Almost like Boss Hogg and Hazzard County.
AJ Hackett is the original instigator of the modern bungy. So, after forking out $NZ400 (it ain't cheap dicing with death) we were taken up a hellish high mountain (Nevis) with about 10 typical visitors to Queenstown (this becomes more apparent). Once up, the 10 sec (jokey) safety chat and then into the harness room. They keep it moving at a pace so you're not allowed to look out into the canyon or think about it. The Nevis jump is into a 300m canyon from a suspended platform. You get to jump 134m in total.
My fellow jumpers were all early to mid 20s and on atick-box tour of the world. All of them were hungover, wearing the latest snow-boarding fashion, carrying mobiles and ipods and happily talking in some bizzare youthfull tounge ("rad", "awesome", etc). My preperation?...early to bed and strong coffee to clear the bowels.
The other disadvantage apart from age, was weight. This meant that I had to be first to jump as they had to unpack the extra thick / extra strong / extra long bungy. I made some feeble joke about having to unpack that kind of gear every time I went to the toilet but it seemed like gallow humour.
So once harnessed up, they take you onto a platform which slides over the centre of the canyon (think shaky, flimsy ski-lift, very high up) and then you join the main platform to get ready. Thoughts at this stage are...don't look down, have they checked things properly after the weekend, are the "Crew" members hungover, am I stupid or what....
Another check, a jokey chat (this is wearing thin) and then they ask you to complete a near impossible and unnatural feat - "Please pop your feet on the edge of the ledge". I can hardly stand up for fear and they casually ask me to pop my feet on the edge of a 300m drop.
I shuffle over, and then face the most thrilling/nervous site of my life (bar any signed Asda contracts)...a canyon so high that looking down you feel utter vertigo. I look dead ahead. I can think that I would fancy pulling out but the 10yr old behind me is saying "rad" and "awesome" and I don't want to hear snow-board slang for "chicken".
5-4-3-2-1...and I jump. I hear "Oh, shit" as I free fall and I just about grasp that I'm heading to the ground. I am fairly sure it was quiet. In the rain and minus temps, I think it was warm. I am pretty sure that with the downward speed, the rush, etc my mind blanked out for a second. Then, I sensed the first pull of the bungy and realised I was upside down. I then had the adrenalin realisation. On the second bounce, I yanked a cord to release the harness so I was then up-right. Immediately, I was in ecstasy. It is the most amazing sensation you can put yourself through. Nothing touches it. A few nervous waves to Marie and the boys on the way up and it was safely back onto the platform to cheers and whoops from my newly found best friends. "Awesome" I said as there was nothing else I could say.
Immediately, I said to Marie never again. 24hrs later - I can't wait to do another, more thrilling, more exciting. She just tutted, "Well I've given birth to two kids so that looked like a walk in the park!". "Rad", I replied.
Seriously, for getting out of your comfort zone there is nothing more that can beat this. I can't wait for the next one.

Snow Farm, Wanaka, South Island

We're on top of the world, ma! Quite literally, we are, due to the fact that we're on top of a mountain range which looks as if somebody sculpted it - all pointy, snow capped mountains. Snow Farm is a relatively new resort on the opposite range from the (more famous) Snow Park where NZ's down-hill ski and snowboarding troupes are based. Here, the resort specialises in 2 disciplines - cross-country skiing and Southern Hemisphere Proving Grounds (car and tyre manufacturers come here to test their products in the snow).
Apart from the staff (all young, trendy ski types) we're the only one's here. There are a couple of older folks but we have the place to ourselves. The Proving Ground has a small army of Japanese men but they seem to exist only after dark where they drive their cars like madmen up and down the mountain tops.
So, we're in a lovely lodge with a huge bubble bath (the boys' slang term for jacuzzi) and we're enjoying some great home cooked food. In fact, we're enjoying it so much that I have forgotten my (limited) meat training and can now easily confuse beef for lamb at dinner. I blame high altitude and NZ Pinot Noir.
Cross-country skiing is a wonderful sport...it's even better if you live in a small country. It's like skiing, across country knocking down trees with your face. Having been taught by Marie in Norway I have picked up the 3 basics. How to put on my skis, how to slide down a hill on my arse and, finally, how to walk down a hospital corridor. But the one crucial fact is that the old adage about snow here is true...the form of precipitation that occurs 3 weeks prior and after the morning of your departure. We've arrived in their worst season for snow in years...in fact, I actually prefer to say we've been ice skating on grass.
Seba and Oscar are naturals. Naturally, they feel that it is better to stay indoors in the warmth with the toys and DVDs and let the grown-ups throw themselves off the tops of mountains. Showing extreme patience and consideration, Marie ventured that we should both pull them in some pulks - this is short hand for "sledge of death". The idea is that you pull your precious ones along in a contained sledge up and down the mountains. That's fine if your an expert skier, which Marie is, so she makes it look easy. When you're an ex-bacon salesman with an unnatural sense of balance then having to not only worry about your own flesh and blood but also that of, your own flesh and blood, it becomes a tad worrying. Sebastian, sensing his Dad's unease, decides after all of 26 seconds that he's had enough. This was easy enough to tell. Marie helped by shouting which dragged me out of my snow-blinding concentration. Seba's pulk had turned over and I was pulling him along on its' side. I won't go into the fine detail of how this was corrected but the procedure is complicated and can involve helicopters if you're as crap on ski's as I am.
After that, we were unconvincing in trying to show them both how wonderful and fun playing in the snow is!
Actually, they did put their ski's on, and we took them down a (well, to us it was) small hill. We built a piss-poor snow man who's face resembled that of the Elephant Man and who's body looked like an over-excited trans-sexual (i.e. 3 breasts). Had a game of football in the snow (and in the ski tracks - this is a cardinal sin here which results in execution) and did some sledging until Seba couldn't be bothered to pull is sledge up the 10m hill - and neither could Marie or I.
But, we're still becoming experts in chillin' out and tomorrow we head to Queenstown where I am testing out the fine details of the holiday insurance by participating in the world's largest bunji jump. Nothing better than testing your comfort zone. Obviously, if Marie writes the next blog you will have to come to one of 2 conclusions. Either I chickened out and she will be filling you in with all the fun and laughter of how, at 150m above a canyon, I developed some brown stains in my pants. The second option is that I died. In New Zealand, the latter is considered the height of outdoor adventure sport fashion! I'm sure they have a rubber band which can cope with a rather large portly man from England. This last sentence will now be considered a nil and void policy default by the insurance company.

Cross country skiing

We left Gareth and Amanda on the 20th july and headed towards Roturoa, an area of thermal hot pools and mud baths. We started off in this area by taking the boys up a mountain in cable cars which was ok until we then decided to shoot down the mountain in a mini gokart. Oscar was a bit apprehensive at first and went in the slow one with mor until suddenly the competitive streak kicked in and we decided to race Ian and Seb - a rather bold choice and I can reveal that there was a minor accident - nothing more than a scratch and up we went in a chair lift much to Oscars horror - the first time he's ever sat still for such a long time and down we went again. After a few trips the boys did, however, decide that dad's gokart was the funniest and as mor enjoyed the views, and a sneaky drink, off they went......The day after all this excitement we decided it was time for some relaxation and therapy for us all. We went to Te Puia and saw the geyser erupt a few times, the boys watched in awe as a group of Maouri's did an introduction to us and the famous Haka along with some other dances and songs. They even invited us up to learn the dances with them and very impressively Ian went up and did parts of the Haka (don't worry I've got the film!!). We went out to the mudpools thinking very naively that this would be a great experience for us all hmm.....maybe just adults next time. A hot mud bath and a cold shower is not on the top of toddlers wishlist we think!!! Anyway this area was still a great start to our tour around the islands.
We drove off to Taupo for a little sleep there and the boys learned the joys of a jaccuzzi. The next day it was a long day of driving down to Wellington for an overnight stay before catching an early ferry across to Picton on the South Island. This drive holds such loving memories for Marie - Ian learned the hard consequence of driving 10 miles over the limit and the boys watched in awe when daddy got told off by the police officer and fined $80, however, there was to be a downside to this for Marie....Ian decided that he couldn't be bothered driving just 100mph all the way and as Marie is fairly comfortable driving at a reasonable speed she now had to take over some driving (half an hour later Ian got bored and took over again....!) The boys finally had three hours of just playing with their newfound friends on the ferry and we had a sitdown and a cup of tea without running around after them!!
Well, entering the south island was like entering a new country, straight away we had mountains and scenery like nowhere else. We drove down the West coast and stayed the first night near Greymouth. On the way there we just had to keep stopping for picture taking (e.g. the pancake rocks) and walks so once again it took some time getting there. The next day we continued the drive but with a short stop at Shantytown, a brilliant place for the kids - a little mining town where they panned for gold and went on a steam train in the bush - it was beautiful. We went further south and stopped at the Franz Joseph Glazier which we walked down to the bottom of - we were going to get a helicopter ride up to the top of Fox Glazier but the weather wasn't clear enough - still it was beautifull and exciting seeing it, especially seeing how far it has moved back over recent years - makes you question the whole global warming thing some more.....
We decided to keep heading as far towards Queenstown as possible this day as we had a bit of a treat set up for us all. On the way down we've travelled the most amazing nature you can see - theres been rainforest and mountains and waterfalls and geyser and glaziers and beautiful beaches and just about everything we expected and more.
Marie has become quite the little housewife -and for those of you who knows her well this is a very unusual skill for her - there are packed sandwiches (well, the first day, after that it was a loaf of bread and some ham), washed clothes (after having been made to wear it for 2-3 days first) and of course healthy snacks along the way (crisps, coke and chocolate is needed when driving far)!!!
So now we are on top of a mountain between Wanaka and Queenstown and the boys have skied for the first time in their life. They went about 50m and back and decided that Marie should get the Pulk (sledge) and carry both of them for the trips. This lasted until the in-pulk fighting began over who was sitting on who (2km down the road) and then Oscar bravely decided he would ski the rest of the way home with Marie (most of it between my legs) and Ian would pull the pulk home (first time for this) with a "cold" Sebastian - he already knows all the trick!! I'm sure much of Maries family can remember the times of skiing with little ones. However, once you're out there is just doesn't matter because it is such a great feeling. And boy did they look great - in true Hughesie style the boys got top gear at Wanaka in the expectation that they will take this up for many years to come as well!!
So, hoping I haven't forgotten anything as we seem to saturate ourselves with impressions and experiences we'll write again soon.

South Island, NZ

This will be a short update. I'm not allowed to write this due to the potential for me to miss out some information - for example, a brush with the NZ police. It's amazing what you get away with if you refer to Her Maj and flash a look of colonialist assurance.
We're mid-way on our way down Highway 6 onto Queenstown. We're heading off for some cross-country skiing and the usual NZ madness which involves either a bridge, some elastic or a helicopter. We've done almost 600 miles in 3 days and covered all landscapes. This part of the country is amazing (as we were promised by all who've been here). It feels as if we have the place to ourselves for all the cars or people we see. Apart from some Japanese stalkers who seem to turn up in their rented mobile homes everywhere we are - what's even more scarier is that they have a seperate vehicle for all of their supplies!
The boys are enjoying things - as a flavour - sky-chairs, down hill luge, glaciers, volcanic mud, gold mining, wallabees, wild pigs, moari hakka, and curry sandwiches. Yes, their education is now complete - they have mastered the art of main course food between 2 slices of bread!
Weather is cold and wet but the tops of the mountains have snow and we're heading for more.

Husband and wife navigation stories

What is it about GPS Sat Nav that you feel compelled to ignore the instructions? Why do you think thst there is some over-riding military conspiracy about the directions? Why is this made worse by somebody entering the incorrect instructions?
We're driving through LA and have just been to Hollywood and eating in the (in)famous Mels Diner when Marie wants to see Beverley Hills. So she looks for Rodeo Drive in the GPS and off we go. As we're heading out of LA into areas of dubious nature I bravely venture the fashionable question of the trip, "Are you sure we're going the right way". This single question, posed by either one of us, is enough to illicit words of more than 10 syllables....Marie looks at me in utter disgust!
As we near the destination, I notice that our family of 4, white, English pale, middle class driving a huge Dodge Charger (brand new) looks a bit out of source. The problem is I've seen a signpost for "Crenshaw". Aficionados of west-coast hippity-hop music will know that most of the hardcore, straight-out-of-jail gang groups refer to Crenshaw as the home of all things "gangsta". After questioning whether the Beckhams or Cruises' would live around this neck of the woods I discover Marie has entered into the GPS "Rodeo Road".
I would like to say that we stopped off and asked some chaps hanging on the corners with pit bull terriers, "Excuse me young chap, we seem to have come into your area by mistake! Would you kindly point us in the right direction". Sadly, I succumbed to media stereotypes and got the hell out of there.
We're now using paper maps and a compass - which should mean we'll end up near Tongo soon.

First few days in Auckland (The City of Sails) on the North Island of New Zealand

So we left San Diego after 4 days and that was enough to see the sights there and also have a quick trip into Mexico for some fine Margaritas and spicy food. We enjoyed the city but were ready for some homely atmosphere. Arriving in Auckland at 4.45am Gareth had very impressively got himself out of bed to pick us up and it was just what we needed. The boys were fine but tired and we really didn't fancy driving around in the darkness ourself. The initial cold weather was a bit shocking to the system, but very quickly we got used to it and as true northeners have actually enjoyed it a lot. We have been lucky as the promised rain dissappeared when we arrived and we've had cold but crispy sunshinhy days - perfect for the sights in NZ.
We've stayed for 3 days with Gareth and Amanda and it has been just great. They've got a nice house in the posh part of town with a lovely beach and playgrounds for the boys. Relaxing for a few days at home and having a few cheeky drinks (and then some more) have been just what we needed (apart from the hangover tour in Auckland with two boys who didn't want to walk at all that day)!!!! Sebastian very sweetly explained to Gareth and Amanda that his mor and daddy don't have jobs, a house or a car but thats ok because we are on a long holiday and he can do his schoolwork here (he now insists on an hour of preschool work everyday - we always said he'd go far!! However, to their mums dismay they've taken a liking to Rugby and are rehearsing tackles at every opportunity....the joys of parenthood are subsequently tested a bit!!
Yesterday we ventured up to the Northland part of the North Island and it was just breathtakingly beautiful. All the pictures you see of New Zealand just doesn't do it justice for when you are actually there and driving through such amazing landscapes the feeling is just pure satisfaction. Already we can't wait to see more of these islands and will start the grand 2 week tour today in which we expect beaches, mountains, sun shine, rain, snow, walking, skiing, bathing in hot pools and thermal mudbaths,encountering Mauri culture and the list just goes on. Needless to say we completely understand why people would leave the UK (don't worry mum, we are still coming home to DK....)
Now the only pain so far has been the pain Ian endures driving a small car(well a mini compared to the States) and the rest of us can live with that so for now there is not much else to report

LA to Auckland

9pm flight on 15th to arrive at 5am on 17th and it was only a 13hr flight - we crossed the international date line where even a stopped clock tells the right time twice a day. More security checks at LA International and then went through customs to find that there was nothing open. Uneventful flight, Quantas 747 had the full service in terms of meals and digital entertainment. Watched Zodiac while the boys watched Harry Potter (again). They slept for 9hrs whilst their 6ft something Dad struggled with various high level Yoga positions to try and find a comfortable spot on the seat.
Entering NZ was interesting. Bio-security was at its' highest as the small nation attempts to protect its agri-business. At least 3 checks on "fruit and farms" and then past various sniffer dogs. Those dogs can sniff the remains of fruit in a bag which was taken out 3wks ago!. Good thing about this airport (its the detail that counts!) is the seperate line for families with infants which fast-tracks you through. Nice.
Weather so far in Auckland is rainy and cold.

Leaving the USA....thoughts

We really enjoyed our time in the States especially seeing parts in the South which are not really on the tourist trail. There is alot of bizzare stuff here. Town centres don't exist...just miles and miles of fast food shops lined around the highway all giving away food for less than the price of a cup of coffee. TV is geared purely to advertise, even the news can't keep on one item for more than 2 minutes without showing some "fun" item about a cat stuck down a drain or an advertisement for Viagra. America is centred upon feeding crap abour Iraq and making sure it stays as the No.1 boggeyman. Blacks are still 3rd class citizens and Mexicans are treated even worse than that. White middle class America wants to create a Martha Stewart vision of white linen, flower arrangements and finely pressed Chino's. Finally, America is a vision of global warming...not one day remains the same for 24hrs.
The good bits have been seeing the South, the Gulf coast, a huge melting pot of cultures (Cajun, Mexican, European) and understanding why America is the way it is on the world scale. If the price of petrol goes up one more time there will be a revolution!
Adios Amigos.

San Diago - which of course in German means a whale's vagina

It's a fact. It's the greatest city in the history of mankind. Discovered by the Germans in 1904. They named it San Diego which of course in German means a whale's vagina."
I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't thin anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago."
(Anchorman)

We're here in San Diego. Having left the furnace of Houston and discovering that America has different times zones (that explained the reason why the flight took more than 2hrs and not the 1hr I thought - perhaps we lost time) we've got to sunny California. We're staying in down town San Diego - just up from the Bay. We've also landed ourselves a supped-up Dodge Charger rental car so we're looking the part.

San Diego is a city with a dubious past behind its facade of laid back border town fashionista. The original area was home to one of the strongest Indian tribes and the white European settlers killed them off in order to secure the area for its mineral deposits. Then with Pearl Harbour, etc the US Navy established its largest base. Now, the area is home to the young naval and marine cadets who celebrate San Diego's rich history with regular visits to the libraries, museums and art galleries and (a little known fact) invented the frothy coffee.

But, its a great looking town. Harbour frontage, "old" and "new" town areas, lots of green open parks and a healthy mix of beautiful Californians and the Mexicana's. Referring to the latter as "gringo" is not, I now know, a term of endearment. Sadly, we didn't see any Mariachi bands and nobody looked like they walked out of a Western movie.

San Diego Wild Park - firstly, nowhere near San Diego - in fact almost 1hr drive from the city. In scorching temperatures and a belly suffering from too many Mexican meals we walked around the park and saw some birds, flowers, fat Americans. We then had to board a "bus train" to be taken around the Wilds of Africa. Expecting something similar to Jurassic Park themed styled extravaganza (herds of wildebeests, etc) we were taken passed a sorry looking giraffe and some rhino's looking very much like they were dreaming of their lost families. The American's were impressed (well it beats the Discovery Channel) and we were wondering where the "Wild of Africa" actually was. The real discovery was when the guide told us it was a "Not for Profit" zoo. Not sure if the feedback they were looking for as we exited the zoo should have been divert funds to African poachers in order to restock the zoo was correct.

Having left the South we feel we've come back into civilisation. More of that later. Today we popped over (on a bus) to Tijuana in Mexico. This place is unbelievable. By day it looks like a shanty town with lots of bars and shops selling utter crap (but all in red, gold and green). By night, its a den of excitement for young college kids and tough US Marines from San Diego Naval base. Sleazy as hell. We, of course, went to the cultural part - a museum of Mexican history (the only English speaking people there - that says a lot about the towns main attraction) and then had (more) Mexican food and tequila and then came back and spent an hour trying to get back into the US and took time to watch US Customs harass Mexican drivers.

We're going into the mountains tomorrow and then taking the boy's to a water park for toddlers.

Later...

So we drove across from Panama City Beach through Alabama and Mississipi to Louisianna where we stayed two nights - one night in Plantation country and one night in Cajun Country!! It was brilliant!! The people in this area of the world are extremely friendly and we enjoyed talking to so many different people. It was really interesting once we drove off the main road (10) and got down through all the little towns - it is precisely as you see on film - a bit deserted, trailers to live in for some and massive mansions on the other side with lots of space. By far the best day was when we went on the swamp tour and fed alligators. It only started getting a bit worrying once the thunder and lightning started - needless to say we needed to get off the water fairly quick! That is the other amazing thing about the south - the weather just changes within minutes and you have to be a bit carefull - especially as we are in the middle of tornado and hurricane season (the latter you get plenty of warning for but the first can just form quickly and off it goes!!) After the swamp tour where we had some dinner at a typical american diner which was by far the best lunch we've had on the whole trip(and the cheapest) - and a place we only went to because we were so hungry and there was nothing else - we went on to stay in a typical cajun cabin. This was beautiful and romantic (apart from the Cayotes howling at night) and we wished we had a few more days to spare here. The Cajun food once again is just amazing, lots of grilled fish and spices- they just make a little too much of it - yes even for me the portion size is a bit too daring, although I do my best to accomodate and respect the chefs efforts!!
The driving has been lots of fun for the views and lots of despair for the parents...well lets face it; driving with a 2-year old who can't sit still and a 4-year old who never stops talking can make anyone go crazy - not to mention driving with a husband who proudly exercises his selftaught american accent at any given opportunity.......and of course the american's mad driving - have already witnessed two accidents!! To be fair the boys have coped remarkably well and so far there are no regrets just the hope that this trip continues in the same style for the next 3 months. Right now we are in Houston and we spent the morning at the Childrens Museum of Houston (the first time we've actually had to drag the boys away from a museum!) and then ventured to a park, but it is just too hot here so the boys played a bit in some water playground and then it was straight to the hotel and the pool. I just don't know how people get themselves suited for a days work in this part of the world...hot, hot, hot!
Tomorrow morning we fly to San Diego for a 5 day sunny holiday (we seem to follow the hot weather around) and then it's off to New Zealand and some cooler climate where hopefully we can go sightseeing a lot more!!

Surreal North West Florida

Arrived after 8hr car drive from Orlando into north-west Florida - just west of Panama City Beach. We hired a beach bungalow - a condo with all the amenities and a private beach which we share with 10 other apartments. The place has a pool and comes with its' own private gated entrance - tres posh.
The area is basically a summer destination for middle class southerners from Tennessee, Alabama, Georgia. It's on a stretch of beach called South Walton and in the last decade various "communities" have spring up. These communities are private members clubs where you get to have your own little place in manufactured paradise. Their straight out of New England design school - 3 story wooden, pastel coloured, white picket fences, etc. The uniform of choice is Ralph polo shirts and ironed pleated shorts. All the "staff" drive around in golf buggies and I think would be shot if they didn't greet you with a "Howdy, have a nice day".
One of them, Seaside (next to Seacrest, which is next to Seagulf) was were the Trueman Show was filmed - in fact, you get the distinct impression the camera's are still here. You could play pool on the grass verges.
A couple more impressions. The Gulf waters are immaculate, indeed some of the best we've swam in. Warm, crystal blue, long stretches of golden sands. Down side is the sharks, but they hardly ever attack. The temps here are in the high 30s and of course this time of year the afternoons can see some deep depressions which have resulted in some magical electrical storms. Another thing here is the redneck fascination for pick up trucks - the larger the better. Even Hummers (huge in the UK) are small by comparison. Single person, family of 4, disabled - doesn't matter - get yourself a truck!
The boy's have been swimming all day and even Oscar has now taken to self-dependence in the water. Both of them have also developed a nice tan (we thought factor 50 meant they would stay English looking).
American food establishments are causing us problems. Menu's rarely describe accurately the ingredients and portion sizes are massive - lots of waste. Saying that, we're gradually adopting Southern fondness for ribs, corn on the cob, waffles and squirrels (!!!). Supermarket shopping is great - all the manufactured food is cheap and all the fresh stuff is expensive. Meat has minimum 10 days life and they even get salads to last 12 days. Loads of great beers (added tequila and lime) and smoothies are a thing of art over here.
Met some lovely families from Nashville and have explored the world of politics and religion. Baptist, right wingers...don't mention the dinosaurs!
Had July 4th here. Marie and the boys' caught the parade at 8am (I was trying to park the car) and they all got sweets and beads (don't know why). The the fireworks at night were along with the formal displays everyone turned up on the beaches with their ammunition. Oscar heard one bang and then went back home whilst Seba and I stayed for the duration. Great experience.
Communication, strangely, has been a problem here. All internet cafe's are merely wireless and unless you have a laptop you're stuffed. Public payphones are a thing of the past so we bought a throw-away mobile. This was needed as quite a few of the smaller hotels we're trying to stay at have no on-line booking facility - heathens! Also, getting from a-to-b via airlines is a pain. For example, the cheapest way from Houston to San Diego is 2 stops which is then almost and all day session on the planes.
All-in-all, we love this part of Florida. Very quiet, full of southern families, quirky, great food, superb beaches and a great place for the boys' to chill out.
Tomorrow we drive through Alabama, into Missisippi and then onto Louisiana were we're going to stay in Cajun country. We're heading for some swamp tours and then we then head onto Texas to stay in Houston (rodeo's, etc) and then fly to San Diego.

Orlando

Not sure what we'd expected. Came down here as the most direct route from NYC and booked a Hilton next to Universal. Very muggy weather with thunderstorms. Looks like one giant Butlins. Hotel is superb ($60 a night) and they're totally geared up to entertainment. Went to Sea World (90 quid to get in) and saw just the one show by the time we'd seen some of the sharks, dolphins, penguins (think Happy Feet when he gets caught and put in the enclosure - in fact, they may well have been animatronics). Then the heavens opened up so we headed back to the hotel pool whilst Oscar fell into a deep sleep as his jet-lag got the better of him - he did almost 13hrs last night).
It's clear that Orlando only exists to service the 4 big parks and for that its fine. Not what we wanted with the boys' so young - it was merely a tick of the list exercise. Today we drive up in a huge car to Panama City and the beach villa we've hired for the next 8 days. I then need to figure out how we get from Florida to Houston before heading off to San Diego - plane/train or automobile.
Food - British, middle class, educated parents - don't come to the USA and think about the food. When they say "Healthy" they mean not fried - but still full of sugar and fat. The boys' fascination with multi-coloured cereals, sweetened fruit juices, etc has increased. Portion sizes - after a pastrami sandwich (10cms thick with fried pastrami - my guts nearly fell out an hour later) - are now down to the boys' sharing a meal and we're forgetting about starters - a look of disbelief hits the waiter/ress as they hear we're just taking a mains course with nothing on the side.
So far, only Oscar and his jet-lag are the concern. Seba has acclimatised. We've blown the US budget with internal flights (getting from A to B ain't that simple in this country) but we're enjoying the freedom and people are amazed that we're heading across the States with two young kids. Next week will be more chilled as we have our own place and can control things a bit more.

New York to Orlando

Flight from UK delayed 2 hours due to the entertainment system not working - god forgive we couldn't entertain ourselves for 7.5hrs! Arrived evening in NY with the boys' not having slept on the plane so they were shattered. Hotel just off Time Square so after hitting a deli we hit the sack at 7pm local time. Oscar then woke at 3am! So he and I went for a stroll around Time Square to see the last (or the first) of the revellers. NYPD took an interest in us - not a sight you see in NY at that time of day. Offered us the opportunity to ride in the car with the siren on but Oscar was less than impressed with going off with New Yorks' finest.
Once Seba and Marie awoke we headed off and found an all night deli for breakfast and then headed down to Battery Square to see the Statue of Liberty in the mist. The tourist map suggested you could then get to the Empire State in a few blocks but as we headed up past Wall Street in the middle of rush hour we figured that wasn't going to happen - especially as both boys' refused to walk - another sight for the City workers!
The Empire State was truly awesome at 9.30 on a clear morning - the full splendor of NY was taken in and even Sebastian was suitably impressed. Oscar tried to climb over the 6ft tall railings and then disappeared around the Observatory tour - but the 20mins trip was uneventful!
Ground Zero - having seen the Twin towers pre 9/11 the area left seemed somewhat under-whelming. New Yorkers are visibly more security conscious but there was none of the "we shall not be moved" flag waving sites we were expecting. If you hear an alarm you can see the nearby pedastrians all instinctively turn to see what's happening - a consequence of that fateful day. Work has started on the foundations but there is nothing to suggest they're moving quickly - local v national politics.

Later that day, caught the flight from Newark to Orlando - sat next to an ex-Forces Sandhurst graduate who was on his way to Florida to complete his final commercial flight exams. Asked me if I'd ever been in the Forces! I replied, "Ireland actually, a shot at the mick and all that". Marie sat next to a guy who just been on a syndicated / crappier version of Judge Judy - he had an Old Testament bible on his lap - you get the picture.

Final day in Blighty

Temperatures in the USA are in the high 20's and in NZ below 5. Great.
Final prep underway on the essentials - more downloading from iTunes, sending the KCF mobile phone back (crap)..no more company credit card!
Got Seba his visa to Oz, then discovered NZ need proof that we have cash and we're not some unemployed nomads (which our status currently is).
Final, and most important pre-UK thing left, is the travel packs for the boys' on the plane - DVD, colouring books, story books, "highly saturated in E-numbers" sweets and, for sleep-induced emergancies (all parents will know this) Calpol.
On-line checking facility has given us an hour back to ourselves tomorrow and hopefully we can blag our way into the posh lounge with some freebies via BA.
Adios.

Preperation catastrophe

Sunday, 24th June 2007
Sunday night, 2 days left in the UK and am feeling rather hung over following 2 days of "good-bye" nights out. Topped off the long weekend with lunch at my sisters' house and discussions of the trip. Still recovering from the KCF session in Scunthorpe - 8pm to 2am and Italian wine.
One fundemental question to me, the man in charge of organising the world tour, "What about Visas?". Increduously, I dismissed the question with a long drink of wine. "Don't need them, it's all electronic post 7/11", I sneered. Within an hour, I packed everybody into the car back to my parents place to check the internet. Bollocks - she was right.
Australian ETA's not Estimated Time of Arrival but Entry Travel Authorisation forms. Filled them in for me, then Marie and then Oscar. Simple. Then, a subtle reminder of the horrors of (incorrectly) naming children. The format of the internet form is unable to contain all the characters of Sebastian Meredith Tulinius Hughes! So, at the moment, no Visa for Seb. Still, will save 25% of the travel expenses! Now have to contact Oz house in the morning.